My journey has not been easy. Born into poverty, discord and discontent; I grew. As I grew I absorbed the disharmony which surrounded me. Even today I cannot shake it.
I struggle daily with the unconscious manifestation of past trauma. It reveals itself as negativity, depression, anger and doubt. These feelings, draped upon me like a most unbecoming cloak, are with me almost daily. Each day is a battle, a battle to stay positive, content, at peace and confident. This is no easy task. Not by a long shot. Some days I fail miserably. Other days I do OK.
Joy is unnatural for me. Actually I have a natural propensity towards negativity and depression. I did not choose this. It’s as if this state of being chose me. I am not alone. I see it in my blood relatives; the discontent and despair. The struggle seems to have come down through the generations.
I fight, but feel as if I am fighting in vain. I fight to be the unnatural me, the me who is contented and at peace. Why do I continue to fight a battle that it seems I cannot win? I have no other choice but to fight. It’s either I fight or I die. My spirit won’t let me give up. So, I fight generations of trauma. Bloodied and pummeled I stand to fight again. Weary and distraught I rise to fight again. With a smile on my face and the pain of generations in my eyes I fight and fight again.
Fight and fight again…
Want More? Check out my book The Not-so-Patiently Waiting Handbook on Amazon today.