Love (Not-so-Patiently Waiting...)

Stop Blaming Women

finger pointing man

*70% of Black Women are single…They must be doing something wrong.

*Women raise the children so it’s their fault when they don’t turn out right.

*It’s the women that choose. They need to start choosing better men.

*Blah, Blah, Blah

The proclamations listed above were made by men. I have had the displeasure of hearing such statements repeated again and again throughout the years. When I entered this space of dating/relationship blogging I did so with the purest intentions. As a single woman I am privy to the obstacles other singles face in love. After years of disappointment and heartache I decided to study love in order to reverse my personal cycle. As I studied I felt compelled to share my new found understanding. I share hoping it will help others heal as I am healing.

During this time I have noticed a new trend emerging. Many of the men vying for attention in this field have resorted to focusing their advice solely on women. Additionally, some of these men are making a practice of blaming Black women for failed relationships and broken homes.

I’ve often wondered why men are so compelled to direct their advice at women. Why don’t they address their relationship advice to men as well? In only addressing women they miss the opportunity to coach men; to share with them what is needed to sustain a healthy relationship. What follows is an imbalance. The women who take this advice work towards cultivating personal development and healthy relationships. While men are free to be irresponsible and noncommittal.

Let’s be clear. Some of these male relationship guru’s are in this business simply for profit. There is very little profit in selling love to men. Women spend tons of money on dating/relationship advice. Most men would not spend their hard earned money on relationship books, seminars etc. Hence, women become the primary targets.

I find it a bit more difficult to explain the practice of placing blame solely on the female. Perhaps the reason behind this particular trend is blame shifting. In our society many people absolutely refuse to take responsibility for their shortcomings. It has become common practice to blame the other when relations go bad. No one wants to admit their failings. Placing blame on the other and refusing to see one’s self is counterproductive to personal development and the development of relationships. You can’t grow if you do not see your own mess. Nor can relationships.

Women are not solely to blame for the state of Black relationships, neither are men. Developing and sustaining a healthy relationship is a joint effort. So is the act of raising children. Men and women alike are responsible for choosing good mates and cultivating good relationships.

Thank you to the men in this field who provide information and inspiration without condemnation.

Shame on you to the men who blame women and exploit their search for love.

Want More?

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4 thoughts on “Stop Blaming Women

  1. Thank you thank you thank you for this post. I’m so glad that someone finally made this point. I’ve been saying this for years and it seemed like I was crazy. So glad to see that someone else sees beyond the illusion of what’s going on between the black woman and the black man. You’re so write, it’s not so one-sided as to say the black woman is the one with the problem. If it’s one of us with a problem then its a problem for both of us because a relationship involves 2 people. Thanks so much for this post.


    • Thanks for reading and responding Amirah! Each of us has to take responsibility to cleaning up our own mess. We can not do that if we are constantly blaming others. We have to be fearless enough to look within 🙂

  2. This comes off the heels if the major religions I believe, women are looked at as the weaker sex and are pouted at as mans downfall which is owing to the made up story of Eve.

    Women represent life itself, we carry the womb, what can I say? we rock !

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